Tip #2-F: Behavior

Hello Ladies, this one is for you. In this episode we will discuss your behavior and what a man expects from you. Ok, so if a man asks you out; it would be wise to determine if it is dutch or not. I have the opinion that if he asks he pays, but these are changing times and I am a little old fashioned. You don't want to show up on a date with absolutely no money, especially if he picked you up because you may need a taxi. Also, you need to take care in your attire. Wear neat clean clothing, Sultan Sassypants likes women to look classy, not slutty. Sure, if you are playing dress up and have no intention of going home with a guy at the bar, you just want to hang out with a friend and look whorish that is fine. However, when you go on a date, you need to not look whorish. If he sees you dressing like a slut he will think only of getting you in the sack and then never call you again. If you don't know the difference between classy and slutty please refer to Tip #1-F.

Next up, you need to take care in your body language. Your body language should be inviting, I don't mean drape yourself across him, just let your body language express that you are digging him. Don't sit with your arms crossed and a shitty look on your face, smile often and relax. If you look stiff and uncomfortable he will instantly think you are not into him and that you are a waste of his time. You should also touch a little, again don't grope him, but those friendly pats and touches will help him to know that you are into him.

You also need to be confident. There really is no bigger turn off than an insecure whiny date. If he asked you out, he is into you so go with it and be happy. Carry yourself with poise and dignity. Be comfortable in your skin and happy to be yourself. Always be yourself. You should be positive and optimistic, your date doesn't want to hear about how awful your life is and will always be. That is not going to win him over. You can and should start this positive thinking now. Make it a lifestyle change. Find something, anything, every day that makes you happy. There is always something good in every situation, even the ones that suck. If you start with small thoughts you will soon build a habit of finding the positive in any situation and that will go a long way to helping your self esteem and make you a far more confident person. And a happier one.

Be sure to make a lot of eye contact and share equal conversation. Neither of you should be the only one talking. Don't sit there staring off at nothing or worse, another guy. When you are there with him, be there with him. Also, don't spend the night talking about exes, he doesn't want to know at this point. Don't compare him to an ex either.

Big one here. Don't spend the night bitching about things. Don't be a bitch. Even if the food and service are awful, keep your gaping headvent shut. You are on a date and impressions are important.

If you go out and keep these things in mind and use some common sense you have a great chance at a great date. Don't invite drama to the table and be a confident, optimistic and happy you.

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Tip #1-F: Dating Websites

Alright ladies, this one is for you. Dating websites are a quite entertaining. I use them often and have occasionally had dates from them. My dates have pretty much been duds, but hey, you win some you lose some and I at least get a giggle out of it. Now, I asked a good male friend Sultan Sassypants, for some advice for the ladies on how to make an effective dating profile and what you should and should not do when you meet. The following is the information that the Sultan provided with some of my own experiences and opinions thrown in.
The first thing you will do when setting up the site is tell about yourself. On one of my favorites, Plenty of Fish, you will also create a tagline that draws people to your site. The tagline is different from your screen name and they phrase it as what are you looking for. My screen name is pretty standard for me, actually the same as it is here minus my email attached. My tagline however, is comical and makes people look at it and go "what? huh? oh, ha ha" Ok, that is what I have been told my tagline made one guy do. My tagline is Looking for Tom Foolery at Uncle Tom's Cabin. It does kind of date me, as I was told by another guy, but it is fresh and funny. The Sultan told me that the tagline is an important part of getting the guy's attention. If your tagline is fresh and funny, then he will want to read more.
Next up is your profile picture. Ok, this picture should be YOU, not you and friends, not someone you wish you looked like but YOU. It should be classy and nice, but should also show your personality. It can be artsy, plain, or silly. It simply needs to be you. If you have a photo that captures your personality completely, then I suggest using that. So long as it is tasteful. If a guy sees a picture of you looking like a two dollar hooker, he is instantly going to think about sex and nothing more. If you want the guy to see you as a potential for dating or relationships then you need to look classy and nice; you need to look like someone he can take to meet his mom. I get that the meeting mom thing doesn't come up immediately, or I really hope it doesn't, but that is how you should look in your profile photos. The Sultan also said that one of his biggest pet peeves is when the girl is pictured with like three of her friends. How can he tell who you are in there? C'mon, make this easy for them girls. Make them see you as someone they want to spoil and buy flowers for. Be ladies and expect to be treated as such.
Now, about your description of yourself. Make this interesting and fun to read. It is hard enough for some of these boys to get past the pictures and read what you have to say, so make it interesting. See, I wrote a short novel, can you imagine me doing that? Never never me, I don't babble incessantly. Ok, there is a bit of the comedy for you. The comedy should fit your personality and be fun. Make him smile when he reads it. Make him be able to see those great personality traits you have. I will add some of my profile in here for you, just as a guide. It generally gets a lot of attention and due to the length and information in it I can tell if the guy is one I am willing to speak to further. I can tell because I look for clues to whether or not he read the thing. I tell about what I am doing in life, what I like in life and what I expect of a mate. Your expectations are really important, so think about them and make them clear. Don't settle for less, you are just selling yourself short. This line gets me a lot of attention: I have a rather dark sense of humor and I am a big dork, not a whale penis, just silly at times. It is comical and honest. It shows that I can and will laugh at myself, for some reason they eat that up. You should also include some of your outlook on life, but be positive for crying out loud. Just like we want to see a confident man, they want a confident woman. Leave your jealousy and insecurity at the door, if he is hanging with you then he is into you. Run with it. All your jealousy and insecurity will show him is that you know how to be a world class drama queen. Guess what??? They don't want your drama. Most of the men I know and have met simply want a companion. A person that they can share daily life with and that they can talk to. If you can't communicate, learn to; if you are of jealous nature, get over it. You will have far more luck carrying yourself with poise and confidence than you will with jealousy and insecurity.
Ok, another thing the Sultan brought to my attention is making contact. He said that since you have signed up for this, then you have pretty much bypassed traditional lines of communication. Granted the guys can see if you have looked at them, but that shouldn't be all you do. You need to make contact. Go for it!!! The first couple of times you do this, it will be difficult and uncomfortable, but it is worth it. If nothing else it will teach you something about yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin and if a guy interests you, write to him. Say something witty, bring up something from his profile and make sure to ask at least one question. The question can be silly, serious, or just something about his profile. "Hey, how are you today?" does not count as a question. Try to be semi original. A good friend of mine is great at writing these questions. She delves into their personality and asks questions pertaining to their profile and photos. Here is what she wrote to one guy:
First off, I want to let you know that you have a very cute dog there! Ok, to my questions,
What kind of bike is that?
How long have you been a DDR player?
How do you feel about people who can't dance very well?
:) Have a good day.
She did really well here because she asked him about things that interest him and are important to him. People generally like to talk about themselves and their interests, so those are a good conversation starter. Remember, you aren't the only person that is contacting him, let him know why you are the one he should talk to and take out.
Now, it is kind of hard to get the full picture of a person from a profile page. Believe me, I have a hyper and obnoxious personality that sends them running sometimes, that or I get bored with them because they can't keep up, but I am honest about this out of the gate. I don't hide who I am and neither should you. That being said, some of these men will hide themselves. Some will be married and looking to play you; some will simply be players looking to play you. There are signs that show what you are dealing with. Communication is one of them. If the communication seems short and spotty, he is likely hiding something. If he only contacts you at certain times, ask what he does for a living; you can tell if the communication is simply around his job then. If he contacts you at odd times and seems distracted, he is probably married or in some other relationship. Follow your gut and if you have to then do some research. I recently went on a date with a guy and missed all of the signs. I found out he was married because I work with a good friend of his and that friend told me that he is married. I was livid, so I created a Sock (fake account) and messed with him a bit. It was fun, didn't make me feel better but was fun anyway. See, I was the wronged wife so I REFUSE to be the homewrecker. Watch for signs and keep open communication.
Now for the meeting. When you meet him the first time, I suggest that you drive your own vehicle and meet him somewhere public. Never let a crazy know where you live is my motto. I have gotten a stalker or two from this so it was really good that they didn't know where I live. Now, I have met more good type guys that I just didn't click with than crazies. Mainly because I weed the crazies out in the first email or two. You should keep the meeting public, restaurants are best. Stay away from movies, they are too private for one and you can't get to know a person in a dark theater watching a movie. Also, how you dress is important. You should look like a lady, you can wear clean jeans and a nice blouse or a suit. Sultan Sassypants suggests that you wear something sexy but classy. Stay away from those terribly slutty things if you want more than a roll in the hay. If you go out looking like a slut, he is not going to want to see you again. Once more, you should think about his mom. Would she be mortified to see her son with you? If so, don't wear it. I will include some examples at the end here.
Ok, so now you know how to put this together. How to handle that first meeting and what you should and shouldn't wear. It is important that you realize you will have to go through a few frogs before your prince appears, so be patient. I have a really funny email I got recently that I would like to share with you. It is sweet, but ridiculous in so many ways. I will give his contact info in case we have any gold diggers reading this. This man is on Plenty of Fish. Here goes: FROM: Justahunch Hello Choley, I am Paul from Aussie…I am seeking a fun younger girl to travel with me around the world!
Are you intelligent, have a good sense of humor & very sexerie?
If you are that girl…you will never have to work or worry about anything for the rest of your life! (Its all true too)
I just want someone to love & spoil tha hell out of!
Paul xo

The following images were attached to this message.

This work of art, was sent to me with the title: Simply Stunning. I got the best laugh from this. Did I respond? NO!!!! Here is the other part of this ladies. If you get a creepy message or something, simply don't respond. Don't get offensive and tell them how horrid they are, simply ignore them. A few of them will keep writing but most get the hint if you fail to respond. If you respond, you are asking for a stalker. I personally am a wee cruel. I use some of these for facebook fodder. It makes me and my friends laugh on occasion and makes me feel better about getting the crazy emails when I can do something with them. I fight myself not to write to them and tell them what morons they are. It does no good to talk to them, so don't.

One more thing before I close, if you are in Casper Wyoming and on a dating site. Sultan Sassypants wants me to let you know to talk to the guy in the white hat. Good luck ladies and have fun with it!!!

DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT WEAR ANY OF THESE OUTFITS!!!!

BASIC BLACK, CAN'T GO WRONG.

TAILORED WITH NICE LINES. SHOWS YOUR CURVES AND LEAVES EVERYTHING TO THE IMAGINATION. VERY SEXY.

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Tip #6-M: The Friend Zone

Ok boys, this one is about the friend zone. You know, where a girl tells you she really likes you but only as a friend? Ok, so this is legitimate. Girls really do have guy friends that they only like as friends. Now, you need to understand that girls DO occasionally fall for their guy friends, but there is a very small window of opportunity here. Now boys, when the girl is digging you and wants more than that friendship/brother thing she will let you know. NO, she won't come out and say it. It will be subtle, she will touch you a bit more than normal. She will look at you a bit more than normal. She will smile at you a bit more than normal. The signs are all there, but if you don't make a move she won't. Most girls will not make the first move. It is just not in our genetic code. There are a few of us who have no boundaries and will simply go for it, but we are few and far between. Personally, I hate making the first move. I don't see that as my job. I see that as the man's job. I lean towards treating men as protectors and hunter/gatherers. Ok, this sounds a bit retarded but what I am saying is that I like to treat men like they are men. I am kinda old fashioned so I have some expectations and I try to make sure that the guy's are met as well.
Back to the friend gig. Once you hit friend level you are pretty much out for relationship. There are circumstances where that is not true and girls fall for the guy, but generally speaking, the guy has to make the move at the right moment. See, girls understand hints and expect you to as well. Guess what, I know that guys don't get hints well. For some reason they simply don't register for you. So, I suggest that you do a bit of research on the hints that a girl gives because it doesn't matter that you don't get them, girls are going to throw hints either way. Sometimes you will get lucky and she will throw you a blatant hint, that is your opportunity to go for it because if you don't, she will revert back to friend mode wondering why she ever thought she wanted to be anything else. Then five plus years later she will tell you all about the day that you could have had her as more. Do you really want that? I don't think so.
You see, while you are out learning sports or playing video games. We are learning the art of manipulation. Some of us don't even realize that is what is happening, but it is so ingrained in women that like it or not we pick it up. Some of us are better than others and some just don't care, but we all do it. Our mothers, grandmothers, aunts and any other women in our lives teach this to us without even realizing it half of the time. We emulate others. Now, not all friend gigs can turn to something more, but a lot of them can.
The friend zone is a place that we put you when we like you, but just aren't attracted to you. Sometimes we just dig having guy friends because we don't get along with women well, but other times we just want a place to classify you. We want you around but we don't want you to think that you will get more than our friendship. I tend to place the more insecure guys in my life in the friend zone. Also, I am a wee shallow and if there is no physical attraction there, I will stick you in friend zone. You won't know which because I dig you and don't want to hurt your feelings by saying why I only want friendship from you. Sometimes we only want friendship because we are still hung up on an ex. It doesn't matter that the ex was a douche or that he is dating someone else, if we are hung up emotionally then we are hung up until we decide to let it go. Just to be clear, this can take a while.
Back to hints. Now, what I have to say here is that you need to follow your gut. Don't second guess yourself because you are generally wrong when you do. Ever taken a quiz and put the correct answer down only to second guess it and put the wrong answer? This applies to women as well. If you are digging the girl and not getting the vibe that she will deck you if you move on her, then make a subtle and respectful move. Girls love the sweet shit. Kiss her forehead or her hand if you are worried, then watch her body language as you pull back. If she seems a bit swoony then kiss her gently on the lips. If she is digging you then she will reciprocate. If she is not then she will tell you so, she is your friend so she will do so gently. Sure, it is a bit embarrassing, but chalk it up to a lesson well learned and an experience worth having. Say something about having to try because you just like her so well. She will respect your honesty and be very open with you. Let her know that you didn't mean disrespect and then drop it. Believe me, she doesn't want the weirdness or to lose a friend any more than you do.
The friend zone is not your enemy. Having a guy friend is an important part of a girl's life and we respect their opinions and tend to listen to them more than others. Being a friend doesn't exclude you from things, it includes you. Sometimes it can lead to more, but even if it doesn't, know that you are a valuable part of our lives. We don't want to lose you, we respect you and we certainly don't want to hurt you. Be aware of the signs we give you and keep an open line of communication. If you communicate with us well, then you have a good shot at staying in our lives for a long time. Remember to hold your head high and find your self worth, if you don't have the confidence in yourself then it will be hard for us to see anything other than friendship in you. Also, just because we only want to be friends does not mean that there isn't a girl out there for you. Hell, we will likely try to help you find her.

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Tip #5-M: The approach

Man, you are so either loving or hating me right now. But hey, it is good advice whether or not you take it. This tip is especially for the shy boys, though there is some good stuff in here for the rest of you. Let me begin with, if you don't try you will never know if you could have succeeded. That being said, confidence is key. Fake it if you have to. I don't want a man that is constantly feeling sorry for himself and being all self deprecating. You need to know your worth, if you don't then you need to spend some alone time and take stock of your life. There has to be something that you like about yourself. Did ya find that thing? Now rock it!!! I don't care how small it is, that is the thing that is going to take you from not liking yourself to loving yourself. You have to love yourself guys, if you have no self respect and self love then you are going to push the girls away with the whining "oh poor me" shit. Trust me, I have been there. I didn't always like myself. I hated myself for a long time, but guess what I don't know. I am fucking phenomenal and I bloody LOVE being me. To get to this point I had to take some stock of life. I had to find something I liked about myself and feed it. I told myself every day that it was awesome and that I was awesome. I basically convinced myself that I rock!!! Yes, this took a bit of time but oh man it was worth it. So finding something you like about yourself and feeding it; telling yourself that you are great because of that quality is your first step. Yes this does lead to the approach my friends.
Next is getting rid of your negative outlook. I mean come on, things can ALWAYS be worse. Take this from a cancer survivor. I didn't have respect for myself, let alone my life before I got that wake up call. Ok, so here is the trick. Think me crazy or not, I don't give a damn, but this works. In every situation in life no matter how crappy, there is something good. Your job is to find one thing every day to be happy about and rock it!!! Come on, there is always something good. Maybe when you got up in the morning your radio was playing one of your favorite songs. Perhaps a coworker said good job. Maybe the sun was shining that day. There has to be at least one thing every day that you can be happy about. At first, this thing will be small and seemingly insignificant, but trust me it is anything but. This one happy thought can lead to more and more happy thoughts. See, chicks find happy semi optimistic guys far hotter. Why? because they carry themselves with confidence and they seem like they would be fun to hang around. We want to hang around someone fun and interesting, not some negative guy that is always feeling sorry for himself. So, the trick to this is that you find one thing a day to begin. Then you find two things and so on and so forth. Then when you have a really shitty situation, you will be so used to finding something positive that you will simply start to see the positive in every situation even the horrid ones.
Comedy break. So, during my research I found some of the most horrid and some of the funniest pick up lines I have ever seen. I really enjoyed some of them, but there is one that I didn't read anywhere that I want to tell you about. This is a true story and it happened to my aunt. She was at a bar and a guy approached her and told her that she was beautiful and in great shape. He asked what she did to stay in shape and she said that she climbs on rocks. So this wonderfully witty man, quick on the draw, sticks out his hand to shake and says "Hi, I'm Rock". It was a cheesy line but so very funny. His wit and confidence won my aunt over and he became her boyfriend. See, confidence will get you there. Here is one that I read today and absolutely loved. This would be a great ice breaker for me because I wouldn't be able to help but smile. Here goes; "I was blinded by your beauty so I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes". Yes, it is cheesy, but it made me smile. If you can walk up to a girl with confidence and say something like this, she is likely to smile and at least talk with you a while. I am not saying walk up with your chest poked out and say the cheesy line, be humble and willing to laugh at yourself. If you laugh at yourself but run with it, she will dig that. The other thing is that you should be more interested in her than yourself, this is something that you can fake if you have to. You need to remember, we are human too. We are afraid of rejection too. We want to be noticed too. See what I mean? We are just like you in so many ways, but so different as well. Chicks don't go out with the thought of rudely shutting down any guy that asks for their attention. Chances are, even if we aren't interested, we will politely let you know.
If you don't approach and at least attempt a conversation, you will never know if she is digging you. Yeah, rejection blows, I get that. But what blows more is letting the opportunity pass you by. Oh, and if all else fails, you can go for a bit of liquid courage before hand. This will help to quiet some of those pesky inhibitions and allow you to approach a woman with confidence. Just remember that you should always be respectful. If you want to feel the girl out before approaching her there are ways of doing that too. Make eye contact and when you do, smile and give her a slight nod. If she smiles back she is fair game. Go get her tiger!!!
Next is conversation. Remember your confidence and be yourself. If you are confident and easy going she is more likely to accept your advances and talk with you. The key with talking is to say something that fits the situation and that you enjoy talking about. It can be very mundane or very deep, it just needs to be something that has potential to interest her. You will know if you need a subject change believe me. If you are losing her interest then ask something about her. Remember to pay polite compliments and always use your gentlemanly manners. You know, the ones you take out of the closet and dust off when your grandma visits.

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Tip #4-M: emotional bastards and neediness

Ok boys, I just keep giving these tips away. Let us just hope that you use them well.
We need to discuss emotion. OK, emotion has a place ok it belongs in fuckin movies. Let us face it none of us feel true emotion at a first meeting. Dollface, this happens only and i mean ONLY in movies. Chicks seem all "mush mush make me vomit" but the reality is, you have more work to do. I don't want your feelings, listen to that song "that's what you get for waking up in Vegas" this may give you a clue. I friggin know better my friend. I want someone that can stand their own. Are you a mama's boy? if so, go the fuck home!!!! I married one of those little fuckbags and now that little fuck WISHES he could come home. Ok, so 15 monutes of wonder and joy; two minutes of joy and 13 wondering where the fuck the joy went. Yeah honey, you know me, you married me. You are the little douche that tries to caress my hair every time I am in your presence. Dude, your kids don't even like you, what the fuck makes you think I will?
Ok, rant done. Emotion is a very useful tool, but you are pulling it out toooooooooooooo soon. The first week is so NOT for this type of thing. You need to be making an impression. Chickie needs to know that you freakin dig being you and are digging her thus far. That is as far as the first week should go. No one wants to marry your ass in the first seven days. REALLY? I MEAN SERIOUSLY DUDE!!! Let me see you be you. Let me have you sweep me from my feet. Give me a reason other than your "oh poor me" shit to want to spend time with you. Leave your neediness at the door and show me you are a man. Yes, I want the equal rights, I want to vote, but I am a girl. I wanna be treated like a girl. Who gives a shit that I can rebuild the engine of a car? Who cares that I can drywall and tile? I wanna be treated like a lady. I want you to open the fuckin door and stand up when I leave the table. I don't want to hear your jealous bullshit, most of my friends are guys. Chicks are intimidated by me. I know who I am and what I am capable of and I carry myself in such a manner. Does this mean I should be treated like a piece of meat, UH NO!!! I AM GIRL, TREAT ME AS SUCH!!!!! Open the door, pull out the chair and leave your insecurity and jealousy at home where it belongs. There is plenty of time and room for that in your head. Keep it out of our faces or you are sure to be shot down.
Now, for you girls that let guys pull this shit and get away with it. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??????????? What do you think the feminist movement was all about???? No, not simply equal rights, but being treated as we should. Yeah so we can accomplish the same tasks in life. Ok, good job but isn't it nice to have doors opened for you? Start expecting this shit. Teach our men that yes, we can do the same things but we are still soft and feminine. We will still dress nice, shave our legs, and apply makeup. I don't know about you, but having my cake and eating it sounds bloody phenomenal. So, treat your men like men. They are protectors and so much more, let them know it and be it. Be girls, be shiny and soft. There really is nothing wrong with being girl.
Boys. I so love the boys. Don't let the femme nazzis ruin shit for you, you are the protectors. You bloody rock. We can't live without you. So, that being said, be confident and own it. Don't feed the insanity, be MEN!!!! Gentlemen!!!! Leave the jealousy at home, girls hang with guys. Does that mean we want every one of them in our beds? NO!!!!! If we are going home with you and you know it then rock it!!!! No need for jealousy, just be you and see where it goes. One of my lines when I say something so dumb is "throw it out there and be the monkey, see where it goes". This may sound stupid, but say it a few times and get more from it. Be the gentleman, see where it goes.

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Tip #3-M: attitude

ok, boys here is another freebie.
Insecurity, not so much a turn on. When I look at a man, I look at how he carries himself. Is he confident? This is important to me. I am a very positive girl. A wee hyper and definitely obnoxious but I love life. See, I nearly lost mine so I respect life so very much more.
Now, a man that is a man and is willing to tell me that he knows himself and how to be himself is so very much more attractive than a man who says "oh, I am ugly" or is jealous and insecure. I want a man that can go out and find another if he sets his mind, and do so right in my face. Yay Sultan Sassypants!!! Yeah, I am a very confident girl. I know I am attractive. I work at it. I am willing to be what you want but you have to give as much as you receive. You want a hot girl that will find you hot and take you as you are? Then be yourself and love it. That saying that you must love yourself before another can love you is so true. Sadly I mean this, you are more likely to attract the girl you want by saying "hi, i am (your name here) and you look great tonight than you are to finding her by accident. Women, or this woman, want a man that is willing to see themselves as our perfect mate and run with it whether or not they believe it to be true. Jealous doesn't work for me, nor does insecure. Know yourself and friggin love it or go the fuck home!!!!

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Tip #2-M: Behavior

Ok boys, this one is for you.
Ever wonder what a girl really wants to see you do on a first date? Want to make a great first impression? Well my friends, it is all in how you behave. Let us begin our lesson.
When you pick a girl up, you should look nice. I am not saying suit and tie, but damn a tie looks good on some guys. I am saying clean holeless clothing. Clean hair, nails, and good god clean up your facial hair. Facial hair can be great, but let us say that it needs to be well groomed. We shave our legs and some of us our nethers for you, the least you can do is look put together. Now that our expectations of your grooming have been established: let me tell you why this is important. I like shiny (attractive) boys. There is this boy that when I met him at the theater, his jeans were torn, facial hair so not groomed and I thought oh crap a friggin loser. Do you want THAT to be her first impression? That is my first thought of this guy. He lives in Virginia and is a sailor, name is Chris. There is more about this date that I will add as we continue the lesson because this man is perfect fodder for my lesson.
Next, if you ask a girl out, expect to pay. If you want Dutch, you need to tell her BEFORE the date. NEVER, I repeat, NEVER wait until you are there to let her know she is paying for you. If you ask, you pay. End of story. Grow up, get over it and be a man. Chris, our lovely fodder, took me to a movie "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince". We go up to the ticket window and he purchases two tickets. Ok, so far so good. We get in the doors and he says "Oh, you are buying concessions because I just dropped $20 on the tickets". My impression DOUCEBAG!! Is this what you want the pretty girl you are trying to bang, cause lets face it that is what you are hoping to get from this eventually, to instantly see you as a douche? All this dickcheese had to do is tell me before the date that we would be paying our shares. I liked him so I would have been cool with that. So, you wanna know what happened next? He handed me my ticket. I got my wallet out and pulled out a $10 bill. This bill I handed to him and told him. "Look, I really want to see this movie, but not you, so find a place to sit that isn't near me and enjoy" Every concession person and patron looked at this man with disgust. I went to the concession; bought a pop and some popcorn and joked with the concession guy about it. Oh, two really shiny guys were there and saw the whole thing, so I didn't sit alone. Do you want to watch that pretty girl go off and sit with not one, but two other guys on what is meant to be your date?????
Next part of this lesson is chivalry. No, this ought not be dead. Yes, women want equal rights, but let's face it, we are still women. We are not the same as you and personally I don't want to be treated like a man. I want to be treated like a lady. I want you to open my door, pull out my chair, and stand up when I leave a table. This is just good manners. I am a girl, I will dress pretty, smell nice, shave and treat you like a man. The least you can do is treat me like a lady. When a guy takes me out, I will stand in front of the damn door until he opens it. I have no qualms about doing this and have done this before. Example: I went on a date with this really nice, or I thought so at the time, guy in VA. I expected because of the southern manners and all that he would open my door, but he didn't. So, I stood in front of it. He looked at me like I was nuts but this other man who was there said "here, let me get that for you". Guess what happened next? I texted my sister "bail bail bail, oh damn I need a bail". So, she called with a convenient family emergency, the chick really needs to make me not laugh or smile during it, but I saved it by hiding my face in my hair. The reason I didn't just leave is that for once, I didn't meet the guy out, I actually let him pick me up. Now, ever had a girl have an emergency during a date? Chances are, you did something wrong.
Ok, so now that this valuable information has been provided to you. Give it a try and see the reception you get! Chances are this behavior will make the girl all gushy, then you can move in for the kill. Oh, we all know what you want. We may not give it to you on the first date, but we all know you want it. So, we make you work for it. These steps make it that much easier to access your goal.

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Tip #1-M: Dating Websites

Ok, so I belong to these dating sites and I went on a date only to find out that the douchebag was married. So, being a redheaded girl and not wanting to go to jail for hitting a cop. I decided to fuck with his head instead. Ok, wrong though this may be, let us keep in mind that I was angry.
What I did is this: I created a fake account, or a "Sock", on the site. Little did I know that one of my friends, also quite the man whore, would contact my Sock. Now my Sock is a mix of two personalities, mine and my friend Natalie's (Newt) "good" sides. Yes we have them. Ok, so my friend the man whore, let us call him "Sultan Sassypants" for duration of this blog, contacts the sock and says-- WAIT WAIT!!! BACK UP THE TRUCK LORETTA!! WE ARE LEAVING OUT VALUABLE INFORMATION ABOUT THE SOCK.
To truly get the most out of this, you really need to know some more about our Sock. So, we named her Giselle but call her Ella, sometimes even Elle. We used photos from one of my cousins, yes bad bad bad Choley, but I had to have numerous photos for her and my poor cousin is so cute that she won. Thank all that is good in the world she lives in another state.
Ok, just so you know, we got rid of her. And for safety's sake are eliminating photos of her, just as we gave Sultan Sassypants his own name.
Ok, so Sultan Sassypants contacts her, the first person to contact her by the way. See, we had written an email to married guy and were going to simply wait for his response to it and go from there, but when the Sultan wrote, we simply could not resist screwing with him. We really do love Sultan Sassypants, it was just a practical joke we could not resist. Well, when the Sultan kept emailing back we simply could not resist continuing, but he has both of our phone numbers so we had to come up with a different one for the purpose of texting, or sexting which we did a lot of. So, we have this guy friend and he said sure we could use his phone, so the fun began. The problem was putting Sultan off for dates, that became easier when She (Sock) told him that she was staying with a cousin and the cousin wanted to monopolize her time. See, Sock is her own personality, we even have a voice for her when we speak as her. She has been so much fun. Tonight is Sultan Sassypants first meeting in real life with Ella (Sock), and little does he know that he will be meeting with Newt and Choley. Both of whom are wearing exactly what Ella told him she would be wearing in their last text conversation.
OK LESSON TIME!!! When dealing with dating sites you need to be most cautious. Typically unless you have wronged a girl you will not be dealing with her Sock. But, just to be safe, you need to make sure this is a real girl. I recommend getting her full name and trying to find her facebook or myspace. Hell, google her and see what you find. You never know when that pretty face will be the one you see in real life or if you see something you don't expect.

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